“Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

This is what I whispered to myself as a middle-schooler. Little did I know I would be saying this to myself at the peak of my career as an adult.

Why you ask would I say this?

I was a victim of workplace bullying. Now, I know some of you, may think “how can you possibly be bullied as an adult?” This is how…

We all believe that when we leave school, bullying will no longer exist. That is so untrue! I have listened to several of my family and friends express their frustration about the unfair treatments they’ve experienced from a coworker, supervisor or superior.

A 2017 survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute estimated that 61 percent of U.S. employees are aware of abusive conduct in the workplace; 19 percent have experienced it and another 19 percent have witnessed it.

So I know you are thinking… What is Workplace Bullying?

Bullying is legally defined as unwanted behavior that occurs over a period of time and is meant to harm someone who feels powerless to respond.  However, since there is not a legal definition for Workplace bullying, workplace bullying is defined as “offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behavior, an abuse or misuse of power through means that undermine, humiliate, denigrate or injure the person being bullied.”

For example, if your boss and/or coworker demonstrates:

• Overbearing supervision;
• Constant criticism;
• Blocking promotion;
• Exclusion, for example from lunches and drinks, relevant meetings, and important emails;
• Being overworked and expecting unreasonable response times;
• Making threats or comments about job security without foundation;
• Such as Threaten you by saying “If you report me, you will be fired!”;
• Yelling or humiliating you;
• Belittles your character or spread rumors about you;
• Sabotages your work.

If this is something you have been experiencing; then you should seek help.

In situation such as this, you should speak to someone that you can trust such as a friend or a family member.; even a coworker that you can trust.

You should first decide if you can speak directly to the one who is bullying you. Believe it or not, sometimes they are unaware of how they are coming off to their team. However, if that does not work, you should report them to Human Resources (HR) and file for a formal grievance.

A formal grievance should force your employer to investigate the matter. An employer should have a grievance policy that explains how the process works. Usually, the grievance is lodged with HR or your manager (unless your manager is the bully, in which case, if possible, you should lodge it with someone who holds more seniority).  To help the case, you must document everything. The more proof the better the chance to solve the case.

If the grievance is not upheld, you have the right to lodge an appeal. If it is upheld, the person bullying you could be disciplined or even dismissed.

As the old saying goes, “Stick and Stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” That statement is totally false!  Words do hurt!  In fact, it can cause people stress, PTSD and other issues such as:

• Hypertension;
• Auto-immune disorders;
• Depression;
• Anxiety;
• Suicide.

According to the 1974 Health and Safety Act, it is the employer’s responsibility to protect the well-being of their employees. An unhealthy work environment stresses all employees; not just the target, and increases the rate of physical and emotional illnesses.

If you are witnessing someone being bullied at work, please do your part and report it. If you don’t, then you become part of the problem.

All of these things are designed to make our lives easier. However, our stress levels, depression and anxiety have skyrocketed far above our past generation. Simply put, our health is declining. Could it be that all of the modern conveniences are the cause? Maybe the depression, anxiety and stress was handled more naturally then, because they moved around for the majority of their day. They were plowing, planting, tending to gardens, feeding livestock, washing and hanging clothes by hand. All day of that movement made them sleepy, so to bed early to rise early.

My Reality

We all have had some form of depression in our lives, but we have excused it away with statements like, ” I am just not hungry,” or “I want another helping of Mac & Cheese,” after having four helpings already. I understand this because I am a comfort food eater myself.

Yes, I’m guilty of this too… I used to eat three hot fudge cakes a day. I would go into the store where the bakery was. The bakers knew me by name and knew what I wanted when they saw me. I would get a fork and eat it in the car before I drove off. I had one after ate my afternoon meal and one in the evening. I did this for two years!

Further Problems

My memory was failing me and that is something I took pride in at one time of my life. I was always tired, did not sleep well and the things I loved to do were not important to me any longer. The negative thoughts built up, because I was gaining weight, not doing things that made me feel good about me. Those hot fudge cakes were giving me a fake boost from the sugar, because I was a sugar addict.

Sugar was replacing those feel good endorphins. To top it off, I was eating them alone, which was comforted me, but reinforced needing the hot fudge cakes. It was an endless cycle that I was creating. It was not until I was running up the stairs one day and was so out of breathe and felt a whole lot of things shake that did not before.

I started really taking a self-inventory! I wanted to be around for my family; I wanted quality of life. I started doing resistance training, walking and building up to interval training.

OH NO, I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE! I had not done any real movement since I was pregnant with my daughter in 1993. I started making this change in 2013.

Finally, I really started to feel good about myself. I was setting and meeting small goals, which gave me a positive outlook on my life, it allowed me to deal with daily stresses, get better sleep and my memory improved tremendously.

How Did I Do It?

Running, walking, biking, swimming and kickboxing are just a few activities that helped me deal with depression, stress and anxiety. They are excellent ways to cope and balance daily ups and downs. 30 minutes a day broken up into 10 to 15 minute increments could make a difference. Start with something you like doing; set goals that are realistic, and realize the barriers that would stand in your way, so you can help yourself be the solution.

If you are ready to “Embrace, Excel, Defy” and are interested in working with Stephanie to give Life your ALL, you can contact her at 919-757-8245, by e-mail at stephaniewhittenfitness@gmail.com, or through Facebook at www.facebook.com/stephaniewhittenfitness.