NC DHHS Aging and Adults Services reports, 1 out 5 adults in North Carolina identify themselves as a caregiver; 62% of these are caring for someone over the age of 65.

Family caregivers are unpaid and may juggle many responsibilities and household chores. They may have a Power of Attorney, Representative Payees or Legal Guardianship appointments which gives them the authority to make housing choices, estate plans and legal decisions, coordinate and attend medical visits, provide transportation which can include ending driving privileges, and manage the finances on behalf of their loved one.

Add to that, as dementia patients lose their independent functions, they may also need someone to prep meals, assist with bathing, dressing, etc. This is especially challenging if you work a fulltime job, have small kids (the sandwich generation), or have other commitments that place demands on your time and schedule. In addition to feeling emotionally overwhelmed, caregivers might feel isolated from their closest family members and friends while still caring for someone battling this neurological impairment.

First, What is Dementia? According to www.alz.org: Dementia is a general term for loss of memory, language, problem-solving and other cognitive abilities, severe enough to impair daily life and independent function. It also affects behavior, feelings and close relationships.

I also discovered that many people do not have a proper support system. Well, if it takes a village to raise a child, then it should take an entire community to care for an adult loved one with dementing functions.

I asked a few people to briefly share what it means to them to care for someone with dementia and how impacts their lives. Here’s what they had to say:

Diane M.

Caring for my 89-year-old mother for the past 6 years has been the hardest thing that I have ever had to do! In the early stages, mother was very combative and argumentative because she was fighting to maintain her independence. Although she has lost her vision and mobility, she is now in hospice care and doing much better. Amongst 8 siblings, I have an older brother who is the legal guardian, and the rest of the caregiving duties fall on me. The rest of my siblings don’t even inquire on how mother is doing or ask if I need help.

Diane mentioned that one of the saving graces over the years was the AARP Family Caregiving services. As a member, they would offer to caregivers movie time, hikes, walks, classes, and even take them out to the nicest restaurants and treat them to a meal.

Sharon F.

My 87-year-old father has severe dementia. If you have a close family member who has dementia, that first sentence is packed with a lot of emotions and responsibilities. Most of the time to the point of feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Who do I turn to? Our society doesn’t talk much about dementia. Few resources are available to help loved ones navigate caring for someone with dementia. There are some good programs and support groups, but finding them can be hard. I need information and support to care for my dad.

Rosemary’s Story

(Sister, Carla added that they have a CNA that comes in 5 days a week, plus a close family friend and housekeeper who are both very hands-on, and yet she still feels overwhelmed. Here’s why…)

First, there are no realistic, sustainable “hacks” for making a caregiver’s life easier. Go outside, take a walk, call a sitter, set a routine, are all wonderful platitudes, but are not based in everyday reality when someone needs constant care. Our father is 89, has gone completely blind over the last 2 years, is very feeble, and must wear hearing aids to hear anything.

Short-term Memory – Dad will ask me about the day and time of a doctor’s appointment several times. Sometimes it is within a day and sometimes it is over several days. However, since he cannot see a calendar, I am his only source of information. He constantly tells the same stories, from 30+ years ago, over, and over, and over… As his caregiver, I get sick of listening to them, but as his daughter, I feel guilty when I don’t listen because it could be the last time, I hear them. I have noticed recently that his recollection of my sister’s and my childhood paints a much more Norman Rockwell style picture than I remember.

Moodiness – His argumentative nature has increased significantly over the last two years. However, it is just as easily attributed to frustration with blindness, loss of independence, and his normal personality as it is to dementia. He is prone to have temper tantrums- much like a child. He pouts and then goes to his room.

Life as a Caregiver – There is little that makes full-time living with and caring for an older adult at home easier- except when they sleep. That is the only time a caregiver can breathe- not relax but breathe. At times, you hate hearing your own name because you know there is another task to perform or maybe a crisis. Yet, on the other hand you are grateful that your parent is still able to call your name. For me, this is a choice. Each day is fraught with caring for someone else’s needs before your own. You give up much of your freedom because of your commitment to someone else.

This was not a conscious choice in the beginning, but it does become your reality. At times, I long for twenty-four hours where the only person I need to take care of is me. However, because I know the guilt I would feel if something was to happen while I was away, I self-impose a “lock-down” believing that in the end, I will have done the right thing.

Lynne C.

The most challenging thing about caregiving for a loved one with Dementia for me was my age. I was only 22 when my Grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Her behaviors where totally unlike anything I had experienced. In fact, I wanted to learn more about how to deal with that, so I changed my life plans from being an accountant to volunteering in a nursing home. I eventually became a nursing home administrator, and now I run an in-home nursing agency.
Things I always tell people:

1. When looking for a nursing home always ask to speak to the administrator. If they do not have time for you before your loved one is a resident, they will not have time for you once they are.
2. When choosing a home care agency make sure it is a local and family-owned facility. The owner should be involved and not in some other State. When the owner cares, the employees will too!
3. Remember you are not alone or the first person to go thru this; find a support group and share your testimony with others.

The Burn Out is Real – Ideas for Self-Care

• Carve out time for yourself. Consider:
• Taking a Yoga Class
• Make a Spa Visit for a Massage or Facial
• Take a quiet walk through the neighborhood
• Hot Bubble Bath
• Prayer & Meditation
• Seek Counseling
• Schedule Lunch with a Friend
• Rekindle a Friendship

In closing, the dichotomy of caring for a loved one can be equally a labor of love and wear on you like a tiny pebble stuck in your shoe. Building a network of family, friends and healthcare professionals, and then taking time out for yourself may not completely remove the burden, but it can help lighten the load. If you know of someone caring for a loved one with dementia, don’t let them be invisible. Acknowledge them, offer a listening ear, meal prep or provide transportation for the loved one if you can so that the caregiver can escape for a little R&R. And definitely, definitely let them know that they are doing a fabulous job!

Local Resources

AARP – www.aarp.org/caregiving
Family Caregiving Resources & Articles

National Family Caregiver Support Program (NFCSP) – https://www.ncdhhs.gov/assistance/adult-services/family-caregiver-support
Offers a range of services for family caregivers including respite care to temporarily relieve caregivers of duties

NC Dementia Alliance – https://Dementianc.org
Education and Empowerment through Community Outreach, and local Caregiver Support groups statewide listings

NC DHHS Aging and Adult Services – https://www.ncdhhs.gov/divisions/daas
Listings of local government, private and non-profit organizations that support aging adults and their families

NC State Employees Credit Union – www.ncsecu.org
Has professionals with can assist with Estates and Trust planning, and provide resources for Fiduciaries (those who manage money on behalf of another)

Wake County Clerk of Superior Clerk – www.nccourts.gov
Guardianship Services – https://www.nccourts.gov/help-topics/guardianship
Estates and Wills – https://www.nccourts.gov/help-topics/wills-and-estates/estates

WakeMed Home Health Care Services – www.wakemed.org
Physician can refer patients for an assessment for in-home nursing care, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and transportation services if needed

Here are a few simple and economical ways to make a great project for you and your family.  Try growing any of the veggies on the list below and see how easily they produce. 

• Celery– After you have used the stalks and leaves on your celery, save the base end of the plant and place it in water to root or in small pot of soil and watch it regenerate new stalks. Celery is also an easy vegetable to grow indoors.
• Sweet Potatoes– Cut a third of a potato with a few eyes (the natural dimples on a potato) remaining.  Bury it in a deep pot of dirt and new shoots will bud from the eye of the potato creating new plants.
• Onions / Garlic– Got an onion sprouting in the bin?  Place it root side down in a pot of soil exposing part of the bulb. As the green tops or scallions grow, snip and use as desired.
• Tomatoes– Slice the tomato in round circles exposing the seeds.  Place each ring on of top the potting soil, cover it with a small layer of dirt, and spritz it with a little water each day until it sprouts.  Transplant when it reaches 5-6 inches tall where it can grow in a larger space.  Note: Seek out heirloom varieties because hybrids seeds may not regrow.
• Romaine Lettuce– Just like the celery, save about two inches over the base end.  Either place it in a shallow bowl of water to root or upcycle a produce clamshell* and let it regrow there.
• Herbs –Many herbs can be rooted from the stems if placed in a small jar of water such as cilantro, basil, oregano or sage.
• Carrots– It’s amazing how easily root vegetables like carrots can propagate themselves if you place the tops in a shallow plate of water. Once they develop new roots, transfer them to the soil to produce new plants.
• Peppers– Save the seeds from your pepper plants and tuck them into the soil to sprout, or you can start the seeds in an old egg crate. Transplant to a larger container when it reaches 3-4 inches tall.

What You’ll Need

• Banana Peel– I got this idea from watching a movie, but discovered that banana peels delivers a dose of potassium and other essential nutrients to the soil that feeds hungry plants.
• Orange Peels– This citrus scrap not only adds nutrients to the soil, but it also deters small animals from trespassing into your garden.
• Crushed Egg Shells– Dried egg shells when crushed are a great source of calcium for the plant while warding off those creepy crawly pests.
• Coffee Grounds/ Used Tea Bags– Love your java or herbal tea in the mornings?  Coffee grounds and tea bags are compostable as well as a great source of nutrients for acid loving plants.
• Potting Soil – If gardening indoors, use a good organic potting soil for vegetables.  According to Better Homes & Garden, the nutrients in the soil will give the veggies more flavor.  But if outdoors, you can mix compost, top soil, and a good fertilizer to create a good foundation for your plants to thrive.
• Cayenne Pepper & Dish Soap–For outdoor gardens, this solution mixed with water can also keep insects and rabbits off of your vegetables.
• *Produce Clamshells –These are those hinged clear plastic containers that salad greens are sold in.  Instead of tossing these out, they make great mini greenhouses to help sprout new seedlings.
• Egg Crates – Also great for starting seedlings.
• Large Plastic Storage Bins / Kiddie Pools – Both are quick and economical ways to create large containers for your patio garden.  Just be sure to add a few vent holes for water drainage.
• A Sunny Spot Indoor/Outdoors for Everything to Grow – Plants get their energy from lots of natural sunlight. Look for a spot where they can get around 6-8 hours of direct sun.

Reduce Your Trips to the Grocery Store

Earth Day and warmer months are coming up so with a little patience and plenty of sunshine you can start your new plot and be kind to the planet.  When I’m out at the local nursery or home improvement stores, I’m noticing more people giving thought to food they can grow at home. Creating that renewable garden not only reduces your grocery bill, but it’ll save you a few trips to the store.  Besides, there’s nothing like having the convenience of fresh produce right at your fingertips when you’re ready to make that BLT sandwich or that next batch of spaghetti sauce. 

Tell us in the comments below what you’re growing in your garden!

I would like to share a few of my go-to items that I consume to boost my immune system. Don’t be surprised if you find a few of these things already stocked in your kitchen pantry.  But first, let me just add that I am not a certified nutritionist or a doctor, but I do encourage you to read food labels and do plenty of research.

Your Personal Army

When I think of my immune system, I think of it as my personal army that’s on the frontline fighting for my health every day.  On a daily basis, we are exposed to so many germs and viruses, but those little nasties will have no effect on our overall health if the immune system is equipped to do its job.  

Imagine your troops being tired, stressed and hungry from battling every day.  Without adequate sustenance, they will struggle to keep their defenses up.  The great military leader, Napoleon Bonaparte famously stated, “An army marches on its stomach” after he lost most of his foot soldiers to starvation and disease. This tragic lesson demonstrates how essential it is to have viable nutrition and rest.

“Let food be thy medicine, and medicine be thy food” Hippocrates

By incorporating many of the items (listed below) in my diet, I have been sick only once or twice over the past 10 years.  By seeking out items that are rich in antioxidants, Vitamin B and C, you will give your personal army the resources it needs to stay strong.  The hyperlinks in the list below, provides some suggested readings on each item.

Things to Avoid – “but tastes so good…”

Just because it’s convenient to stop by the local drive-thru, doesn’t mean that fast food should be your entire diet.  And if you’re not much of a cook, relying on prepackaged foods and microwaved meals aren’t sustainable either.  Most commercially prepared foods are made with the cheapest quality ingredients to maximize profits.  Plus it has been designed to look and taste good (usually with high levels of sodium) to offset its nutritional deficiency.

I also recommend that you refrain from sodas, sweetened drinks made with refined sugars or high fructose corn syrup, and foods manufactured with artificial flavorings and chemicals to extend their shelf life. If poor quality foods are consumed every day, you can be left with a weakened immune system.

To get the best health benefits, look for whole foods, natural ingredients, no preservatives, non-GMO, and/or organic nutriments.  If you want to know what’s in your food, cook at home with the freshest ingredients that you can afford.  

Take supplements and vitamins if you need to, and get plenty of rest.  It may be hard to resist that occasional cheesesteak or bucket of wings (of course, all things in moderation), but just remember that you’re feeding an army.  If you’re intentional about making healthier food choices, you will succeed in cultivating a stronger immune system.